


Living Legacy

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Breakup, Depression, M/M, Suicide, there is no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 18:06:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11742345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It's been 5 years since they broke up. After one final talk, Dan makes a decision that changes them forever.





	Living Legacy

**Author's Note:**

> This deals with suicide and depression. If you're sensitive to either of those, don't read.
> 
> Also know that this does not have a happy ending.

In 2012, their relationship had fallen apart. In the five years since they stopped living together, they'd spoken twice. Twice.

Once, had been at vidcon, when Phil had literally ran into Dan. It was 6 months since they had last seen each other, but neither could manage to say more than a mumbled sorry.

The second time was just now. Phil had been out getting a coffee and shopping, when he saw someone sitting in his usual spot. It was Dan. Which wasn’t very surprising, because this used to be their starbucks and that used to be their spot.

And Phil missed the way it used to be. He’d dated plenty after they broke up, but it never felt quite right. Because whoever he was seeing wasn’t Dan, and that meant that he didn’t want to be with them. After 5 years, he still wasn’t over Dan.

It was pathetic. They’d only dated for 3 years, but he still wasn’t over him after 5 years. He should be over him. And 5 years later, he still looked back fondly on the good times. Whenever he was dating someone new, they’d do something and it would remind him of Dan. Of how him and Dan were just so compatible.

And he wouldn’t remember the times that they weren’t compatible. He wouldn’t remember all the arguments, all the blaming, how the good times were barely there between the yelling. 

So when he saw Dan again, he knew he shouldn’t sit down and talk to him. But he did anyways.

Dan was staring at his phone, browsing tumblr. He had tuned out the world around him. There was nothing interesting there anyways. There wasn’t anything interesting on tumblr, either. Nothing was interesting anymore. And Dan hated that.

Dan was so distracted in both his phone and his own thoughts, he didn’t notice someone sitting across from him. Someone who’d been haunting both his dreams and his nightmares.

“Hey,” the stranger said, nearly causing Dan to spill his coffee in shock. Looking up, he saw that it was Phil sitting in front of him. 

“Hey,” Dan replied, feeling as if there were a thousands frogs in his throat.

“How have you been?”

“I’ve been better? You?”

“I’ve been better as well.”

They both paused, sipping their coffee.

Dan didn’t know what to do. He’d imagined this situation so many times, but now that it was real, he was at a loss for words.

Phil was concerned. Dan didn’t seem like himself. He seemed so nervous around Phil, and Phil didn’t know why. Dan shouldn’t be nervous.

“Dan, are you okay? You just seem so nervous.”

Dan didn’t respond, staring at his cup. If he lied and said he was fine, Phil would most likely see through. But if he told the truth, he’d most likely scare Phil away. But he wanted to tell the truth more than anything. He needed to talk to someone. He didn’t want a therapist, he wanted a friend. But he didn’t think Phil would want that.

Misreading Dan’s thoughts, Phil spoke again, “Sorry if I’m overstepping. I didn’t want to bother you or anything. It’s just been a while. But I get that you’re over me so I’ll just-”

“Wait,” Dan said, wanting to keep Phil hear, to rebuild whatever they had.

Gathering his courage, Dan started talking. “I’m not okay, Phil. I don’t think I’ve been okay for a while now Phil. I’ve just felt so empty. Nothing is interesting, nothing has meaning, and I’m just so done. I just want it all to be over.”

Without realizing it, Dan had started crying. He’d needed this. He’d needed someone to talk to. He’d wanted someone to hear him say it out loud. He’d wanted someone to be able to explain to the world what had happened to the once famous Daniel Howell. He’d need someone to be his living legacy.

As if reading his thoughts, Phil replied, “Dan, don’t. I know what you’re thinking, and please don’t. You have so many people who care about you. Please don’t leave them. Please don’t leave me.”

“I’m sorry Phil, but the past is in the past.”

Dan got up and left, leaving Phil to shocked to even try and follow him.

 

As Dan stood on the edge of the building, he felt his cell phone ring. With his luck, it’d be something ironic like a telemarketer advertising a pill that stopped you from aging.

But when he looked at the contact, he saw that it was Phil. That name hadn’t shown up on his screen in 5 years. He was surprised Phil still even had his number.

When he answered the phone, he immediately heard a panicking Phil.

“Dan, please don’t. Please. Dan, I’m sure things will get better, just please step off the edge. I’ll help you through whatever this is, I promise.”

“How do you know what’s going on?”

“You’re on the news right now.”

Dan looked up, and saw that there was a news chopper flying overhead. He waved to it and flashed a smile before responding to Phil.

“I don’t think you understand Phil. You are the problem. I never got over you. But we can’t get back together. So goodbye Phil. And please, when I’m gone, tell my story. I love you Phil.”

Dan hung up the phone. He didn’t hear Phil shout “I love you too” as the line went dead. He didn’t hear Phil start shouting at the tv as Dan walked closer to the edge. And he was already gone when Phil started crying. 

 

At Dan’s funeral, which was heavily guarded due to his fame, Phil cried. He didn’t get up to make a speech, he just sat there and cried until he couldn’t cry anymore.

And when the BBC came to him and asked him to speak about it, he agreed. They were having a special broadcast dedicated to Dan and to the prevention of suicide. And there, Phil told Dan’s story.

And as the years went by, Phil still couldn’t move on. Because he had a shot, but then he’d blown it. They could have gotten back together. They could be married and living out their lives together.

But then his mind tells him that they could have crashed and burned again. But Phil didn’t care. Because if they would have crashed and burned, then so be it. At least he’d have crashed and burned with Dan.

And the years passed by, and Phil was still alone. Until one day, he joined Dan once more. And finally, he was happy.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're currently dealing with depression/suicidal thoughts, please reach out and talk to someone.
> 
> I'm always here to listen.


End file.
